[DOTS] Am I Worthy?

Title: Am I Worthy?
Author: WinterBubbleTea  
Rating: PG-13 
Drama: Descendant of the Sun
Character: Lee Chi Hoon
Genre: Angst/Hope

Summary: The Joy...the Hurt there is bravery for those that work with disaster. 
Note: Sometime words do favor the bold.

 

Chi Hoon was a child that had a loving mother that dots on him and a future career. He worked hard in studies and met the love of his life and pretty soon he would be a father. He gotten engage and excitedly would be seeing a world outside of Korea. He heard of what Doctors without Borders are but the team in the hospital were being sent to a rural third world country.

His girl told him not to go and supposedly Chi Hoon thought it would be a breeze and not hard at all. He never realize that it was a place where he would learn the atrocity of nature disaster and the loss of men or women.

Doctors look like they are glamours that they are respected, however he learn that the job wasn't as easy. His mentor's that guided him were sheltering him and now on his own here in this world where an Earthquake happen, where children starve, to even harsh gang wars ravage the land.

Chi Hoon eyes open wide and he wonder about those men that went out saving people and probably not getting as much thanks. He started to respect those men even more so, and also he learn that nothing appears like it did on paper. That everything was different and he was changing, he was a child with a gold spoon in a bowl, eating with his peers sharing bowls and utensil at the beginning few weeks he could complain.

Slowly it didn't matter because of the hunger and that nasty tasting dehydrated military food that they needed to wolf down during the Earthquake because food was sparse. No time to cook, everyone was dusty digging out people saving people.

Chi Hoon remember the blood on his hands and the loss of his first patient and the cruelty of life. Dusty dirt field roads and valleys lined with blankets where bodies lay one by one and patients either coughing up blood or bleeding out.

He ran and he didn't care his clothes were dirty all he could see are the faces and the pain as he had to tag out black ribbons even to those that have a modicum chance of living if there were enough resources and hospitals and staff.

Doctor Kang told him, save whom you can beat back the reaper and tear them back, but those that are too far gone, let them go.

It hurt. Then suddenly him going into the structure of the energy building that look broken compare to the original standing peak it was and he found a survivor. Through the glass yet an after quake happened and fear shook him as he try to lift the man.

Chi Hoon didn't realize that he should of called for help from outside once he found someone. That there was no way for him to get the man out because he wasn't trained, he was only a medic, but he never knew.

The guilt of leaving behind the man as he climb out of the area but he still did tell the military men of him. He never realize where he stood while trying to help the man if he didn't run at that moment a boulder would have been his grave stone of concrete.

The man he left behind to die as he label him he tries to be granted forgiveness, but the man was harsh to him, the hate in his eyes as he peer at him. The words are you worthy to be a doctor whisper in his ear and he felt sick inwardly and during night when he tries to sleep he recalls. One by one the memory of that day and he cried hard for the man he left behind when he discover Manager Ko death.

These were the appearances of humanity in grief and in pain something that Chi Hoon now was introduce too, and he thought how he could possibly go home. How can he face his family, his unborn baby and the woman he love?

He was a failure and slowly he was going mad with anger and guilt. Then the electricity went out and over the radio he heard about Jin Young Soo the infected man going into seizure. Chi Hoon couldn't let the man die he wanted to redeem himself he didn't want anymore death. So he jumped onto Jin Young Soo holding him down then scream in pain when he was bitten. Then chest compression happened since the man wasn't breathing he needed to save that man he didn't care that he was infected the man had to live. His focus sharpen and he worked hard until the man was stabilize.

Doctor Kang scold him because he may be now infected by that man. The man he abandon ended up asking questions but he couldn't view him too much, though the young soldier beside him praise him, in the end that man said he was after all a doctor.

The relief in his heart unbuckled and the pain inside was relieving good. He felt he was granted forgiveness for the actions prior and nothing was wrong even if he might be infected with the M virus.

Sitting in the airlock he called his honey, he didn't care if he was infected inside he felt happy. It was all right, even if he was a moron.

Everything is alright. It is...after all...it wasn't bad being a doctor...right?